Breaking Dawn Part 1 (2011) Review

As much as I am a Twilight basher, I have shamelessly watched all the 3 previous movies and read the novels that came out of the franchise. Why? Just to have the right to have an opinion, mostly. I cannot insult what I know nothing about. Anyway, this was the year that I thought I would not be able to write my annual sarcasm-infused Twilight movie-of-the-year review because of time constraints, but 'lo and behold, here it is. I may not be my usual gritty self because of the crippling pain in my bleeding uterus, but I'll do my best.

For the record, I was not able to read the novel. Even the lure of using a new gadget and reading with my much anticipated iBooks app was not enough to make me endure the childish, whiny and self-centered contents of Bella Swan's thoughts. That, and of course, and Stephanie Meyer's horrid writing. I told myself that the movie was bound to be more interesting than the book, as with what happened when New Moon came out when the film actually made it seem that the literary version has a story to tell.

That said, with just the slightest idea of the plot as told by a friend, here is what I thought about the underworld's newest sparkly blockbuster hit.

First off, the movie started out like a bad fanfiction reenactment. I have read too many fan-made chapters of fluff and smut to know what cheesy plotlessness is and the first 30-45 minutes of Breaking Dawn Part I epitomizes just that. I have no idea which was taken from the book or were just put there for visual purposes, but no amount of cinematography could save almost an hour of teary-eyed parental goodbyes and PG-13 make-out sessions.

Side note: Honestly, what were Bella's parents on when they decided to let their just-graduated-from-high-school 18-year-old daughter marry an unemployed undergrad with a bad case of anemia? I mean, seriously. As far as I know, this isn't the 18th century where the only goal of a women in her life is to marry young and marry wealthy ala Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice.

Moving on, I have to give it up for Taylor Lautner for an awesome performance as always. Just when the audience was getting sick of all the make-out sessions with Bella and Edward on the beach, bed, waterfalls, sofa, beside a chess set, he comes in with just the right intensity before the whole films turns into vampire-themed porn. But seriously, Jacob Black was awesome in this movie, his almost photoshopped beach-ready human body is just as adorable with his cuddly It's-so-fluffy-I-wanna-die wolf form.

As for the plot, I really don't think the book needed to be split into two movies. There wasn't much that went on in this half and I feel that the movie would've have been actually great (action packed and with good pacing) if done in totality. It was not like in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows where too much has happened that squeezing everything into one big production without the scenes being rushed is next to impossible. This is a classic example of big companies who want bigger profit in expense of quality and artistry.

Wait, quality and artistry? This is Twilight we're talking about, who am I kidding?

All in all, even having skipped the book, I believe the production has done all that they can with the little they have to work with. It has succeeded again in making the book more interesting even to non-fans with that cliffhanger ending. I may probably end up picking up where I left off, page 10 I think of the Breaking Dawn novel. 

Nah, probably not.

Orchestr-o-meter: C