New Moon (2009): The Anemic, the Abs and the Emo-ness

First of all, let me assure you that this review will be squeal and giggle free. I've barricaded all the passageways to prevent hyperactive fangirls from screaming and palpitating around me. I'm allergic to tween hero-worship hormones. That said, I surprisingly enjoyed the movie and thought it was well worth the ticket (and the hype). Sorry, my beloved Harry, but your Half-Blood Prince doze fest left me cranky and asking for more.

This impression of the movie probably has lots to do with the utter waste of perfectly happy trees (before they were murdered) to publish this literary nonsense. Okay, so I didn't get to finish the entire book. I think I lasted about half the torture before I finally gave up and just waited for its cinematic version to be released. My eyes and brain felt bad for exerting energy attempting to read the whole thing.

Let's leave it at that, as this is a I-have-nothing-to-do-so-might-as-well-do-it film review of a  movie under very popular franchise I'm still bitter about.

In a nutshell, the movie is quite appealing...to the age bracket it is supposed to appeal to. Lots of  unrequited love, tortured hearts and emo-ness. Perfect combination for teenagers who are amazed by such possible human (and vampire/werewolf) emotions. See Edward the Anemic stare with his brooding eyes, watch Jacob do a puppy dog imitation and follow Bella around. Classic.

Of course, a teenage movie is not complete without sex. At least traces of it should be included in the movie or it's not worth the screaming girls and Concerned Parents' Movement. Watch carefully as Jacob the Buff expose his buffness (in slow motion!). Gasp as glittering Edward shines his way half naked to a street full of weird people in cloaks (in slow motion!). It was also very amusing to me how Jacob and his crew apparently lost all their shirts to a tragic fire and have to walk around half the movie without any shirts on.

But quite frankly, I did enjoy the movie. There were minimal boring moments and there were lots of scenes to be enjoyed. I think, given the waste of space they have to work with (the entirety of the New Moon book) the film was smartly edited and portrayed in an artistic and interesting way. Kudos to the cast and crew.

End rant: Take the movie as it is, a semi-cheesy teenage movie about vampires and werewolves that won't even come close to the legends that are Van Helsing and Interview with a Vampire or even the cult hit Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It's angsty, it's emo and it's expected to be the way it is because it is what sells. It might not be a literary masterpiece or cinematic splendor and won't be remembered and hailed in the decades to come but it's still quite entertaining in it's own way if you can get past the irritating fan mob to truly appreciate it. It will come and go. Amusing now, irritating later. Exactly like a joke delivered over and over again.